(With a face like this who wouldn't want to punch you?)
Maybe we're just jealous, but WTF? This Perez Hilton character, alias Mario Armando Lavandeira, bothers us more than a bad case of blue balls. Don't try and deny it, you know who we're talking about(for our hetero-male audience, we'll allow you to continue saying that you were "reading it with your girfriend" so you don't have to admit to following it of your own volition) He's that fat bastard who reigns on high from a cramped North Hollywood apartment passing judgment and shit-talking all things pop culture. Its a guilty pleasure--generally something lauded by TJJ-- But the threshold has been reached.
Its bad enough that we have to watch him take his shirt off every Independence day to show his "weight loss"(Nothing makes me feel so American!), but even after all of this "exercise" the guy still looks like the Michelin Man. Something tells us his "trainers" Chris & Diego are providing Perez with a different kind of "workout". Nor are we here to judge him for being overweight. We admire his desire to shed some lbs and are hopeful that it has inspired countless other Whopper eating, SUV driving Americans to put down the Chalupa and pick up a can of Ensure.
What really tickles the pickles is that he starts shit with people and can't back it up- even after all those hrs in the gym. At the Much Music Video Awards after party Perez got into it with the Black Eyed Peas from man will.i.am over remarks Perez had about bandmate Fergie on his blog. During the exchange Perez called will.i.am a "faggot"(ironic, non?) at which point the band's manager Polo Lolina punched his face in! Perez, the pudgy wuss that he his, responded in turn by crying like an infant and fleeing the scene, only later to file a civil suit for $25,000! against Molina.
So, Perez our adivce to you would be this: Hire a personal trainer who will teach you how to physically defend yourself--otherwise keep your twinkie hole shut in public, and save the shit-talking for the relative safety of your blogdom.
Counterpoint: As the only female contributor to this blog, I'd like to offer my opinion on this matter. While Perez Hilton is a d-bag blowhold, I fear I wouldn't get my news without him. Where else am I supposed to get the most current and up-to-date information on Lady Gaga? This is the shit that makes the world go round. Don't be jealous of his pink locks either. That's SO West Hollywood (not that you'd know). However, you are right about him being fat (which is so so gross).
ReplyDeletepoint-counterpoint: I'm not saying he should stop his blogging ways, but that he has no right to behave like a fat spazz when getting deservedly punched. He brought it on himself. Lesson learned.
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